Here it starts.

Today marks the anniversary of the stomach ache that revealed Greg’s cancer. I didn’t think this would be so hard but leading up to this day feels like someone punching me in the chest, all over again.

We were at a child’s birthday party and after a couple pieces of pizza, Greg started feeling bad. I realize this is a weird photo to include and I’m not even sure why I took a picture of him laying like this. Here we are at a kids birthday party; a fun place to play and run around with our kids in the middle of winter. But Greg is in pain and has to lay down in the middle of it. I walked over to him after I took this picture and he stuck his tongue out to the side and smiled like he felt silly but just couldn’t help it. I wish I would have known how much pain he was in – this day and every day after this. I look at this photo and just want to scoop him up and rush him off somewhere to save him. But even in this picture, his cancer was already at Stage 4.

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At some point, we asked Greg’s oncologist how long the cancer had been growing. They estimated that it had been about 6 months based on how fast it was spreading. I look back at this photo of him during a really fun date night  in August and wish we would have known on this day. Or maybe the day after this – I wouldn’t have wanted to ruin this night. It was perfect. And then I could have somehow saved him.

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I’m counting on my girls to help me get through today. Like every day, I guess.



4 Responses to tummy

  1. Kori 02/24/2014 at 8:25 am #

    Sending you strength today and everyday!!

  2. Lisa 02/24/2014 at 6:11 pm #

    Hindsight is always 20/20. I see wonderful things in your future, so while today may be tough and full of would have, could have, should haves, try to think of the will be… This will be the hardest year. How your world changed in the past year – how it could change in the coming year! It will be getting better! Tell the girls Anna says Hi! Miss you in the neighborhood; it has been too long a winter.

    • Mariah 02/24/2014 at 6:31 pm #

      Thanks Lisa! We miss you guys too. This winter has been pretty tough. The girls say hi back to Anna!

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